Taking my phone into his room just didn't seem necessary, but once I got in there and sat down with him, oh how I wish I would have brought my phone.
You see, tonight I had a first.
After the first 14 months of doing anything I could to get my child to sleep and tip toeing around the house just to ensure nothing woke him, I was the one tip toeing into his room at 2 a.m. to hold and cuddle him.
A rush of "I need me some Crewe" just washed over me and I knew what I was doing at that very moment could wait, so I went into his room and picked him up. Somthing that would have been unfathomable to me just a few months prior.
I love that I can pick him up out of his crib without him startling at all and he just seems to melt into me as we rock. It is like he senses, even in his sleep, that his momma has got him.
Tonight I studied everything I could about him. Breathing and soaking in everything I possible could. The way his legs now hang over the arm of the chair, rather than cradled in my arms and his little legs are looking less and less like a squishy baby leg, but more and more like a little kid leg..... how his hair sticks straight up on his head if he lays on one side for too long......how he tucks his hands into his belly when he is laying on my chest..... how I can just sense the bond we are forming.
I feel like I spent so much of his early months trying to get my life back to "normal" and NOW, not even remembering what that "normal" was, because HE is my normal. Looking at him I just feel so blessed, not just to be his momma, but the fact that he is healthy, growing, and thriving.
Not all mommas have that and sometimes it takes sitting in a dark room outlining every detail of your babe, to make you sit in wonder of how truly blessed you are.
All too soon Mommy kisses won't be cool, so I am going to soak this in (even on the hard days) while it last. I have a feeling 2 a.m. rockings will be occuring more for mommies sake than his. Oh the irony.....
AND even if he had woken up by me picking him up to rock him, I would have happily rocked him back to sleep, even if it had to be for an hour. If I am being completely honest here, I contemplated crawling in his crib with him.
I guess it is just now starting to sink in how fleeting this time that I have with him is.
Oh and just so I never forget. It took Crewe 19 months to actually say Mommy, I was starting to get quite offended ; ). John text me tonight, while I was out shopping, and said Crewe woke up from his nap and immediately came into the living room yelling "Mayee". LOVE that kid!