It is amazing how wrapped up I can get in the insignificant happenings of life, that seem so huge at the time.
Crewe has been waking up again at night and it has utterly thrown me for a loop. I love my sleep and felt so blessed when, at 14 months, he decided to start sleeping through the night and I feel I live in fear any night he wakes up that we are going to start the cycle again. It is not so much the getting up that bothers me, it is the fact then when he goes back to sleep around 4, I am wide awake. Losing sleep is not my favorite.
I am not greatest at segwaying (don't really even know if that's a word) so hang with me on this.
Loss seems to be a prevalent happening right now. Just this week I have learned of a sweet baby girl who was born early and lost her battle and was taken far too soon... to a young man who's life was lost in a car accident just 2 days ago, leaving behind a wife and precious 11 month old daughter.
It really has put some perspective in my head about what the signigicant and insignicant things of life are. How that momma that lost her sweet newborn would give anything to hear a crying baby through a monitor wanting to be rocked or how the wife who lost her husband would love to crawl back into bed, after rocking her baby, to her husband peacefully sleeping.
THOSE are significant, life changing, tragic events.... no matter how much I would like to think a waking toddler is.
It causes me to question the decisions God makes for our life. I know that God is soveriegn and would never make a wrong decision, but I just don't understand and know in this lifetime I never will. All I can do (and am called to do) is trust and work daily not let fear dominate my thoughts.
THAT is a daily battle for me... when there are people on this earth that I cannot even fully grasp my love for or thought of them not being here.
This statement that I stumbled upon calmed my heart a bit in my fear of not fully trusting God....
"Faith is not the absence of doubt, but still walking towards the presence of God so He can deal with the doubt.."
Just some of my thoughts before bed. I will definitely have a different perspective when my sweet boy whines through the monitor at 3am.