Nothing can get me in a tizzy quite like running late. I have a hard time feeling like I do not have plenty of time to get something completed before I have to be somewhere or enough time in my day to get the dreaded to do list completed.
Some days I just throw the to do list out the window, but it never fails to catch on a wind current and blow right back in my face, "Screaming you cannot function without me". It is madness I tell you. Learning to function and go with the flow has never been a strong point for me, but that's okay because I have made it work up until about 15 months ago.
Everyday I function off a to do list much like what I did prior to becoming a momma and I still to think it is appropriate to do the same. Really? Yes I really think that everyday I can complete the same number of tasks that I could before I had a baby. Times change when you have Dr. Appts and such to fit in. (15 month post coming soon).
Something has to change, but change is hard. It is like a bad habit that I can't quit, but I am noticing myself getting a little more irritated as the days go on and it is all from the dreaded, mile long to do list always looming over my head. Somedays it seems like my to do list is just daily life and wish I didn't feel so frustrated because, HELLO, everyone has stuff to do!
My word of the year has been intentional. I want to be intentional in all aspects of my life therefore the to do list must be cut down, not eliminated all together, YET. Baby steps here.
I have been going to bed (I am a thinker at bedtime) remembering the day and feeling that so many of the days are spent shuffling Crewe around the house just so I can mark stuff off my to do list. Or I am frustrated right when my husband walks through the door because I still have (fill in a number) things to get done. That is when I realized a change is in order.
Crewe helped his momma figure this out today during our daily pecan hoarding.
He is a pecan fanatic. I mean call in an intervention kind of fanatic. I watched him toddle around filling his chubby little hands with as many pecans as he could carry. Then out of the corner of his eye he would see one more he just had to try a squish in his already full hands. This is when it dawned on me. This is just what I do with my days everyday. Always trying to fit one more thing into an already full to do list, where there is just no room left.
Crewe was unwilling to leave any pecan behind and determined to keep them all held close to his body, safe from falling. It didn't matter how frustrated he got when he picked a new pecan up only to have another fall out of his hand. He was going to keep trying to find a way to make them all fit rather than picking the one's that he wanted the most and leaving the other's behind.
Then he could have given the most important pecans more attention.
Granted his thought process is not that developed yet, but it reminded me so much of what I do to myself every.single.day in having an unachievable to do list. Adding and adding, refusing to let the subpar take a back seat or simply be put into a pocket for a later date. (Crewe puts overflow pecans into pockets).
I am beginning to realize they will always be there to go back to.
Thank you my sweet 15 month old for keeping your momma in check!
Pretty sure I just said "to do list" fifty times in this post.