My Ministry

There is something about getting out in the fresh air that clears the mind and enables you to think a little more straight, which is just what Crewe and I needed. I keep making excuses as to why not to get out of the house, when if really just boils down to the fact that I hate to be cold.
 

 

Yesterday I made it happen. Crewe has been my little hip baby ever since Daddy came home and his sleep has been hit or miss, so I have been feeling sorry for myself lately.

 

We got out the little wagon he got for Christmas and walked and walked and walked and it was glorious. I wasn't telling him "no"  every other sentence and we were able to just enjoy each other completely.
 

 

The more my negative days are mixed in with the good, granted the negative are far outweighed by the good, the more I am understanding that my ministry right now is in my home.

 

I have been going through a search, so to say, of way I feel like everyday is the same thing over and over. Asking things like....Is what I do everyday even going to make a difference in the world or would I be better off at an 8-5 (cry me a river), but that is how I have felt.
 

 

 There is good in this search though because it is stretching me, molding me, changing me and the good kind of change. The change that makes you a better you. The change that makes you want to go climb Mount Everest and scream your heart out that you did it, when you get to the top.

 

 The search is leading me to learn that my ministry IS doing the laundry, cooking the meals (with a glass of wine), making the beds, nurturing Crewe, taking care of my husband.

 

It IS making our house a home.. a warm, welcoming place for us to escape the world.

 

It IS making sure my desires and heart are lined up with God and nurturing Crewe's little desires and heart to be the same.

 

It IS to provide a center of life for all who live here.

 

It IS being all the things that I have felt for the last 2 years are not contributing to my family in a big way or having much of a ministry at all.
 

 

But you see if I can make my home my ministry and find joy in that task everyday I CAN affect eternity! Because the home I am creating for Crewe WILL effect who he chooses for a wife and the values of a mate he holds high. It WILL effect the home he wants to create for his children and it is a domino effect from there.

 

And you know what??? I hold all of that in the palm of my hand right now, it is mine to decide what I want to do with it. It is completely and utterly my choice. Oh how that makes my heart flutter with excitement and realize just how big my ministry, that I once thought was nothing, IS.
 

I think back on starting my journey with the Crazy Wrap Thang and my "why" for wanting to work from home. I wanted to be able to bring a little bit of income in to save for a family vacation once a year. In my head I HAD to have these monumental vacations once a year so that my son would have fond memories of his childhood.

And while that "side job" has allowed us to take a monthly vacation if we chose... it is not some once a year BIG vacation/ memory that is going to shape my sweet babe... it is the day to day little moments that are going to shape him the most. The kissing of ouwies, the rocking at night, the dinner time prayers, the patience through fits, the walks around the park, playing peek-a-boo behind a tree.

Oh how I had it so backwards.
 

So Crewe, thank you for taking me to the edge and back with your sporadic sleep and 24 hour need of me. I will never have these years back with you and one day I will be wishing you were under my roof, wanting to sit in my lap, on my head, and pulling on my pants. God is doing big things in me, through you.

"Wherever you are right now - BE THERE ... that is where God is - with you - right there - right now"- Christine Caine 

 

If I am being honest

I have had an immense amount of mommy guilt lately... from the amount of time my kiddo has spent watching Disney Jr. to the fact that we are not having a huge bash for his birthday... or a bash at all for that matter. We are going to celebrate Crewe here at home making a day JUST for him, but not having a party.

 

It didn't bother me for the longest time because he is only 2, but as the day has crept closer the guilt stings a little more. I know who guilt comes from and it is not from God, so I will recognize that.... Saturday we will turn off all electronic devices and just gladly celebrate our boy.

 

 

If I am being honest... our family is gearing up for Daddy to be gone for 2 whole weeks. That might not like seem much to most, but for this momma (who has only spent a max of 3 nights away from her man and maybe 3 nights alone with my kiddo) it is taking preparation for my heart. I don't like being away from him for that long.

 

 

Side note: Just in case any psychos view my blog.. I would like to let you know that we are the proud owners of a semi-automatic, 2 shot guns, a rifle as well as a pistol and I am a good shot, so if you come a knocking and I see you at the door.. I will drag you in :-) Doesn't get more honest than that, right?!

Moving on.....

If I am being honest.... I am going to give myself and Crewe a whol-lotta grace the next two weeks and if anybody is in need of a play date we are available. :-)

 

If I am being honest.... tonight we were sitting on the couch eating pizza and John looked at me asking if I ever ate certain foods that I really couldn't taste until they hit the back of my tongue to which I laughed and said "Honey, only YOU would ever notice that, let alone be disappointed that the other 2 inches of your tongue do not get to taste it". Daddy and his food. Love him and the fact that our sweet boy is just like him. 30 years from now I will sit on the couch, read this and laugh hysterically

If I am being honest... my goal is to have all 15 doors in our house painted black, by the time my honey returns. Pretty much a door a day. I am super excited about this project... so in true Alexis fashion I will neglect everything else in my life and paint doors.

 

 

I will leave you with proof that we have a mickey problem in our house.

Mickey on the phone and t.v.
 

Have a great weekend!

The Nasties

Somebody please tell me that the illnesses that come, back to back, after having a baby fade with time.

 

I used to be the girl that would get a stomach bug every 5 years and a cold maybe once every 1 to 2 years. Let me give you a run down of the last 12 months.... Monday wrapped up my 3rd stomach bug and I have had maybe 5 colds. Really??? Really!!! AND my kid isn't even in daycare.

 

Crewe always gets the lesser of the illness which I am happy about and I always seems to get the worst. My honey just has an immune system of steel. He swears it's because he doesn't stress about germs, eats food if it drops on the floor, you know all the things that makes my skin crawl.

 

I am hoping something isn't seriously wrong with me. Come on other momma's... has anybody else experienced this??

 

Ok enough complaining I guess, but the past 3 days have been BAAAAAAD! I mean check out the 2nd picture.

This has become glued to my hip... like I used half this bottle scrubbing my house today. Pretty sure my lungs are collapsing on themselves.

 

Lots of lounging and momma's hair looking grey

from... ahem.... grease

 

And today we were all feeling back to normal so momma went to town scrubbing every square inch of our house, soaking all the toys in bleach water and spending way too much moolah on probiotics. I will NOT be doing this 3 times in the next 12 months.

 

On the upside... my honey was wonderful and plays the Mr. Mom role oh so well. One of the many things I love about him AND I am glad we got it out of our systems before the holidays.

 

So what's the up and up on staying healthy after babies?

 

Hope everyone's weeks is going well and full of health!

Mish Mash and a mutha load of pictures

Happy Fall! I am loving the Pumpkin Cupcake candle from Bath & Body Works and loving the cooler weather. It have been overcast and raining since last Wednesday and it has been a little piece of fall heaven.

 

We had an interesting week and weekend. A good time was had by all, but I am slowly noticing my little love bug entering a not so fun stage. Although, according to everyone I will look back and miss all of this, even these stages, and I am sure these experienced mommas are right, but right now it is hard and trying.

 

I found the more we were out of the house keeping busy the better everyone's mood seemed to be, so that is what we did. Fair, food, Grandma, parks... you name it we did it.

 

Parenting an infant and toddler are so, so, sooooo different and I am having to learn as I go. Any input of patience is gladly accepted. I find myself experiencing a drastic range of emotion every.single.day!

 

This has been my motto that I repeat to myself over and over and over......

 

"There is no such thing as good days or bad days, only grafeful days or ungrateful days", and I choose to be grateful.

 

Much works is being put into finding the good in even the most trying days of parenting, marriage, life....

 

So rather than having a "Debbie Downer" post I will let the pictures speak for all the things I am grateful for in our day to day life.

Okay so these next 2 pictures might be my two favorite of the night. Check out hand placement of the 3 individuals behind my sweet boys. It appears that she is holding hands with her boyfriend... only to be fondled by the boy "friend" behind her. Wtf?

 

 Are they happily aware of this arrangement or is this guy just trying to cop a feel and OMG!! What if the guy in the back is the guy in the fronts BFF. That would just be wrong. Anywho... if you think it was just a fluke.. the next pic solidifies the matter.

 

My boy wasn't too savey on all the fair had to offer, much to his momma's dismay, UNTIL we spent $10 for him to win a car worth MAYBE 0.25 cents at which point the fair made sense to him. 

 

 

 



 Grandma paid us a visit and gave momma some help while Daddy was out of town.

 
We are grateful for, cooler weather, time with Daddy, wine ; ) and yummy scents to bring in the new season!

Epiphany (brace yourselves)

Yes that, I had one of those tonight. After a long day full of thinking these wonderful thoughts.... "what is wrong with me... what is wrong with who I am... how I handle situations???"

 

 Repeat that about 51 times and you have my day.

 

 My husband came home to a crying wife which resulted into, a freeing, 2 hour conversation... about faith, parenting, tough decisions and the person I am and want to be.

I realized today that up until today I have lived my entire life (seriously the ENTIRE thing) seeking the approval of others and worrying a ridiculous amount about offending others.

 It occurred to me that I over analyze every.thing.I.do.

 I questions everything I post on facebook, my blog, send in text, email, etc.... I run phone conversations through my head 10 times before I call the person or don't say how I really feel because I am afraid I might lose a friend.

 

I questioned myself to the point of tears today and that is when my sweet husband helped me work through all of my insecurities.

I even question posting this in fear if will come off as me seeming weird, but none-the-less, it is me. Not something that I fully accept or love, but me.

 

There is something so freeing about vocalizing your insecurities to someone rather than, what I have done 6,246 times in the past and kept them bottled up inside.

 

Correct! It doesn't change who I am overnight, but it sure helps me feel a hell of a lot more confident in tackling this in the days to come.

 

I will still be nice and tactful for the most part on this blog, but there may be a bit more vulnerability too.

My desire is that Crewe can look back on this timeline of his life and learn from me,

what he is too young to understand now... that life is hard, but life is beautiful and you have to embrace it all to fully live.

MAN THAT FELT GOOD! Like digging the dirt out of a concrete crack good!

Yes, I realize that these pictures have absolutely nothing to do with the post,

but they help lighten the mood some.

Linking up with:

What pecans can teach you

Nothing can get me in a tizzy quite like running late. I have a hard time feeling like I do not have plenty of time to get something completed before I have to be somewhere or enough time in my day to get the dreaded to do list completed.

Some days I just throw the to do list out the window, but it never fails to catch on a wind current and blow right back in my face, "Screaming you cannot function without me". It is madness I tell you. Learning to function and go with the flow has never been a strong point for me, but that's okay because I have made it work up until about 15 months ago.

Everyday I function off a to do list much like what I did prior to becoming a momma and I still to think it is appropriate to do the same. Really? Yes I really think that everyday I can complete the same number of tasks that I could before I had a baby. Times change when you have Dr. Appts and such to fit in. (15 month post coming soon).

Something has to change, but change is hard. It is like a bad habit that I can't quit, but I am noticing myself getting a little more irritated as the days go on and it is all from the dreaded, mile long to do list always looming over my head. Somedays it seems like my to do list is just daily life and wish I didn't feel so frustrated because, HELLO, everyone has stuff to do! 

My word of the year has been intentional. I want to be intentional in all aspects of my life therefore the to do list must be cut down, not eliminated all together, YET. Baby steps here.

 I have been going to bed (I am a thinker at bedtime) remembering the day and feeling that so many of the days are spent shuffling Crewe around the house just so I can mark stuff off my to do list. Or I am frustrated right when my husband walks through the door because I still have (fill in a number) things to get done. That is when I realized a change is in order.

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Crewe helped his momma figure this out today during our daily pecan hoarding.  

He is a pecan fanatic. I mean call in an intervention kind of fanatic. I watched him toddle around filling his chubby little hands with as many pecans as he could carry. Then out of the corner of his eye he would see one more he just had to try a squish in his already full hands. This is when it dawned on me. This is just what I do with my days everyday. Always trying to fit one more thing into an already full  to do list, where there is just no room left.

Crewe was unwilling to leave any pecan behind and determined to keep them all held close to his body, safe from falling. It didn't matter how frustrated he got when he picked a new pecan up only to have another fall out of his hand. He was going to keep trying to find a way to make them all fit rather than picking the one's that he wanted the most and leaving the other's behind.

 

Then he could have given the most important pecans more attention.

 

Granted his thought process is not that developed yet, but it reminded me so much of what I do to myself every.single.day in having an unachievable to do list. Adding and adding, refusing to let the subpar take a back seat or simply be put into a pocket for a later date. (Crewe puts overflow pecans into pockets).

 

I am beginning to realize they will always be there to go back to.  

Thank you my sweet 15 month old for keeping your momma in check!

Pretty sure I just said "to do list" fifty times in this post.